Nightcap

Sep. 1st, 2008 01:38 am
taras_oleksei: (Default)
[personal profile] taras_oleksei
Taras stepped into the hall, closing his door behind him.

He had showered and changed, and now had on the casual clothes he wore to work out, complete with a light jacket over his tank, to cover his shoulders and arms. That was better. Easier than having his tattoos on display, even if it was only Isaev's brother and his comrade.

Taras carried the bottle of cognac that he'd brought with him from Leningrad, Isaev's brand.

He felt the strange need to see Ilarion.

Taras crossed to Isaev's door and knocked briskly, then opened it and stepped inside, pausing to assess the situation.

The room was mostly as he'd left it. The Ukrainian sat in the corner, still clutching Lasha's vodka bottle, though it looked considerably less full than before. Taras frowned at that.

Ilarion and Andrusha sat next to each other, leaning close with chairs pushed together, like they had been talking.

Taras wasn't certain how long he'd been gone. A while.

He held up the bottle, as if it had only been a few minutes.

"Brought more cognac," he said.
Page 3 of 4 << [1] [2] [3] [4] >>

Date: 2008-09-27 12:06 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Lasha rolled his eyes.

"Oh yes, you'll take your chances now, will you. Now that I've called him off you. Easy to sound brave with that kind of hindsight."

Ilarion snorted, sitting up fully, grasping his cognac glass and taking a measure sip.

"I've heard about enough idiocy for one night. I think it's time to retire."

Date: 2008-09-27 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] capt-kasya.livejournal.com
"No kidding," Kassian muttered.

He shook his head, stepping away.

"I'll show myself out."

He glanced back at them narrowly, then left.

Date: 2008-09-27 12:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
After the door closed, Taras looked at Ilarion.

"What about that guy? Can I hurt that guy?"

Date: 2008-09-27 12:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Lasha raised an eyebrow.

"I have no objections."

He paused, toying with the button of his jodhpurs.

"...Maybe you should break his hand."

Date: 2008-09-27 12:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Taras glanced down.

"...sure," he said, after a moment.

He ran his tongue over his lips.

"Good idea, Lasha."

Date: 2008-09-27 07:37 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
"It is a good idea," agreed Lasha, smiling at the thought.

He paused, steepling his fingers.

"I wonder if Anya is still up."

He unbuttoned the top button of his pants, absently, caressing his stomach.

Date: 2008-09-27 11:25 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Taras swallowed.

"Da, I could go for some of that."

He remembered his cognac and took a drink, leaning back.

"A good hard fuck to take the edge off."

After a few seconds, he cleared his throat.

"But she's probably asleep by now. You know how women are."

Date: 2008-09-28 02:33 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Ilarion looked at him, then shook his head slowly.

"No," he said, pale eyes artless and tempered by inebriation. "I really don't."

Date: 2008-09-28 04:51 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Taras held Ilarion's gaze for a long moment before he replied.

"Well, that's...what I mean," he said, finally. "They don't make sense."

He leaned forward abruptly and grabbed the cognac bottle, then closed his hand around Lasha's so he could top off his glass.

"I mean, why would you be sleeping when you could be fucking?"

Taras frowned, setting the bottle to the side.

"Unless you had already fucked. Then it would be okay."

His gaze dropped once more, lingering.

"Maybe we should...have a banya, or something."

Date: 2008-09-28 06:32 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Ilarion shrugged.

"Da, sure. Why not."

He shifted, rising unsteadily, using the chair for support.

"It's down the hall, right? Just..."

He faltered slightly, grasping the wall.

Then he laughed.

"I'm a little fucked, how about that."

Date: 2008-09-28 07:25 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Taras pushed himself to his feet, reaching out to catch Ilarion by the elbow.

"Oh, da. You are."

He shook his head to clear it. He had gotten up a little too quickly.

Blinking, he wrapped his arm around Lasha's waist.

"Maybe we should forget the banya and just to go to bed."

Taras tugged him in that direction.

"Come on, comrade. It'll be just like after the Winter Ball."

He paused.

"Only...you probably don't remember that much."

Date: 2008-09-28 07:48 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
"The Winter Ball," Lasha said, quietly. "Ah yes."

A sharp pang resonated in his chest, like the strike of a clawhammer.

He'd gotten drunk that night, with a vengeance.

There had been no other way.

And tonight...

He was beginning to sense a pattern.

He followed Taras, bracing himself as he did.

"You're right," he said. "It's better to forget."

Date: 2008-09-28 10:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Taras frowned, glancing at Lasha as they crossed the room with deliberate steps.

Lasha had that look in his eyes, the one that was distant, and wintry.

"Maybe. I don't know," he said, carefully.

He shrugged, his shoulder rolling against Ilarion's.

"Maybe it's better to remember it, but just...leave that shit behind."

Even as he said it, he thought about the Zone, and he knew that words were easy.

He maneuvered Lasha to the bed, easing him down, letting him sit on the edge.

Taras stood in front of Ilarion, watching him, still and silent. He reached out and ran his hand over Isaev's hair again, letting it brush softly across his palm.

"That's what you were talking about earlier," he said, quietly. "About...devotion."

Date: 2008-09-29 09:00 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
"Yes," Lasha said, absently, raising his eyes. "I was speaking of Liadov. But it doesn't matter now."

He sighed, reaching for his boots and drawing them off, slowly, setting them beside the bed.

He lay back on the mattress, brooding, knowing he was tipsy and not caring particularly.

It dulled matters and knives.

"Why do you hate him, Taras?" he asked, quietly. "It doesn't matter; I'm merely curious."

Date: 2008-09-29 05:26 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
"It matters."

Taras looked away.

His eyes were drawn to Ilarion's feet, which he didn't think he had ever particularly paid attention to before. They were much like Isaev's hands, long and elegantly shaped, with graceful digits.

He frowned, slowly. It was a strange thing to notice.

Taras looked up again.

"He hurt you, Lasha. He hurt you and he's still hurting you. You should see your face every time his name comes up. You should see your eyes. There's nothing in them but ice. It's like you go away somewhere."

The set of his shoulders tightened. He drew in a hard breath.

"He doesn't want to be your comrade and he won't forgive you, but then he touches you like a comrade. He talks to you like a comrade, but then he turns away. What the fuck is that, Isaev? What kind of prick does that? Shit like that hurts you. Doesn't he care that you...that you..."

Taras faltered. His tongue suddenly felt thick.

He shook his head, glancing away.

Date: 2008-09-30 06:47 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Ilarion closed his eyes against the words.

His lips tightened briefly.

"What you don't understand, Taras, is that I deserve it."

He sighed deeply and worried his temples.

"I betrayed him, after a manner."

Ilarion's cheek went taut.

"He bore my black heart as long as he could. And then...one day my selfish temper got the better of me."

Date: 2008-09-30 06:54 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
"Da, you're right."

Taras exhaled in frustration.

"I don't understand."

He stared at Lasha, who wasn't looking at him. Taras stared harder, mismatched gaze burning dark-light, as if he could make Ilarion open his eyes through the sheer intensity of his regard.

"Did you really hurt him like this? This bad?"

After a moment, he sat down next to Lasha. The mattress dipped under his muscular bulk.

Taras let out another breath, turning his head to watch Ilarion.

"You told me you fucked his wife. What's that between comrades? You should have been sharing her anyway, if it mattered that much."

Date: 2008-10-07 07:41 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Lasha shook his head.

"It wasn't like that," he murmured. "Nothing came between us. Not man, not woman."

Ilarion gazed at the floor, eyebrows lofted, fingers playing with his glass on the braided rug.

"...I didn't know that he was married."

He paused.

"He kept it from me. Kept her well out of the city. Never lied, only omitted to inform me of her."

His jaw pulled taut for a moment, then flexed gracefully smooth once more.

"At the time, I didn't understand why. I was so angry, so..."

Lasha stopped to search for what he was.

"Betrayed."

Date: 2008-10-07 04:53 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Taras glanced away, thinking about that quietly. His odd eyes tracked back and forth slowly, staring at nothing.

Finally, he nodded.

"You were right. That's betrayal."

He nodded, glancing back at Lasha.

"Comrades tell each other important things."

He thought about how Lasha hadn't told him that Liadov was going to be here, but didn't say anything. Ilarion had explained his reasons. And it was in the past, now.

Taras rubbed his face, then leaned down to pull off his boots.

"Why?"

He glanced at Lasha.

"Why didn't he tell you? He should have."

Date: 2008-10-07 08:52 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Ilarion's brow furrowed swiftly, like a flinch, then resolved into a stormless lie.

"It's complicated," he said, softly.

It was impossible.

How to articulate it- that he thought Nika had loved the girl, believed that Nika had lied slyly to keep Ilarion in the dark, to keep him in their old rapt captivity, all the while going home to this...woman.

That he had automatically assumed Nika had the same mercenariness as...

An Isaev.

As he, himself.

Even though he would never have loved another being, not one under the sun...

André, naturally, could not count.

Lasha flicked his eyes to Taras, guarded, but warily forthcoming.

"He...Nikanor..." he paused, trying to de-emphasize the way his tongue caressed the name, reaching for his jaw, rubbing it slowly. "You have to understand, I believed he was in love with her, and that he was keeping me anaesthetized to it, keeping me ignorant in order to retain my...devoted affections. But no woman..."

Ilarion shook his head, eyes narrowing.

"No woman could deserve him. I have yet to meet one who is worthy of my Nika. I needed to prove that to him, show him, even if he as blinded and could not see it himself..."

His eyes met Oleksei's, seemingly cold, but unyielding in their emotion.

"That she would forsake him, betray him."

He paused, closing his eyes.

"Which she did."

Date: 2008-10-07 11:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Isaev looked younger with his eyes closed, Taras thought.

Taras stared at Lasha's face, eyes traveling over the sculpted angles Ilarion's cheekbones and jaw and the contour of his lips. His skin looked smooth and finely textured, brushed with the faintest dusting of silver at his chin.

Isaev probably only had to shave every other day. Taras remembered Isaev's britva, and wondered what it could be like to shave his face with the straight razor and soap, instead of just his chest. To run the blade lightly along his jawline, so close to his vulnerable throat.

Taras' chest ached, twinging like a cramp.

There was something strangely voyeuristic about watching Isaev without him watching back, as if he could thieve away answers from Isaev's unguarded expression. Taras had to look away.

My Nika.

What a thing to say about someone.

He frowned and let out a breath.

"Then what happened? He blamed you?"

Taras thought about something Lasha had said.

He shook himself, then lay back so that they were shoulder to shoulder again.

"He wasn't...in love...with her?"

Date: 2008-10-08 03:52 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
"Love."

Lasha exhaled.

"No."

He opened his eyes, staring at the ceiling with a piercing intensity.

"Unbeknownst to me, it was a marriage of contrivance."

Ilarion's breath was shallow and light.

"As a matter of fact, he'd never touched her," he said quietly. "She was a virgin."

Date: 2008-10-08 04:39 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
"Then why was he mad?"

Taras glanced sidelong, but Isaev wasn't looking at him. Taras turned his gaze to the ceiling as well, and took in a deep breath.

This close, he caught Ilarion's particular scent, warm and distinct, like male skin and cognac and lingering hints of leather.

He shook his head.

"You didn't hurt her or anything fucked up like that."

Taras nudged Isaev with his elbow, lightly.

"You have a sister. And you wouldn't. Not if you thought she was important to him."

Date: 2008-10-08 05:24 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile] ilarion-isaev.livejournal.com
Ilarion looked at him, incredulous.

"I didn't care if she was important to him."

And he hadn't, because he'd known she was fallible. He'd known she was unfaithful. Inconstant. Untrue.

He pushed a hand back over his brow.

"It was easy work. I met her, charmed her, seduced her, told her I loved her, made her head swim. She took me to their home, a place I'd never been. Not his ministry apartment, but a townhouse. And there was the bed, I thought, that they shared."

He paused, voice darkening.

"The bed that he took her in, every night."

His eyes glanced away, as if burned.

"Or so I assumed."

Ilarion fixed his eyes on Oleksei's, slowly turning over onto his side.

"I made love to her, like I imagined he did. And I made her head spin, Taras. I can't even tell you. What I did to Anya...pales in comparison."

Made love to her, yes, in stead of Liadov. Knowing it was Nika's bed, and knowing he would come home to find them. Unable to deny what he saw, unable to exonerate the whore.

"He found us together, exactly as I wanted him to. Look, I told him. See how she betrays you with any man who professes his affections! I did this for you, Nika, to spare you! Now you can send her north, now you can be free of this chain."

Ilarion's gaze grew far away.

"She was weeping, as if her heart had been broken. He was...furious. I've never seen him so angry. He's not given to it, not at all."

You broke her, Isaev. She's just a child.

You don't know what you've done.


"He told me who she was. Why he'd done it. She was the orphaned daughter of a zek we'd sent up for..."

Lasha paused, shaking his head. His lip curled, but there was no humor in it.

"Liadov held himself responsible for the man's death. No matter that it was I who pulled the trigger. This was his atonement."

Lasha's jaw tightened.

"And he didn't tell me, because he knew me too well."

Date: 2008-10-08 04:28 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile] taras-oleksei.livejournal.com
Taras was silent for a long moment, mismatched eyes hooded under his low, conflicted brow.

"You mean..."

He trailed off, watching Ilarion closely.

"What do you mean?"

Taras thought he might be more confused now than before Ilarion had started to explain. Some things were familiar, from what he'd overheard at Winter Ball, but they still didn't make sense. He grimaced, reaching up to rub the bridge of his nose.

He thought hard about the story, as Ilarion had related it.

"He didn't tell you about his wife because...he knew you would do that? But if he had told you in the first place, then you wouldn't have done that, right?"

Taras paused.

"Or...would you have anyway, and that's what he knew?"
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